Japanese has a complex system for referring to family and social relationships — with separate words for your own family vs someone else’s. This guide makes it clear.
At a Glance: In-Group vs Out-Group
| Relationship | Talking about YOURS (humble) | Talking about THEIRS (honorific) |
|---|---|---|
| Father | 父 (ちち, chichi) | お父さん (おとうさん) |
| Mother | 母 (はは, haha) | お母さん (おかあさん) |
| Older brother | 兄 (あに, ani) | お兄さん (おにいさん) |
| Older sister | 姉 (あね, ane) | お姉さん (おねえさん) |
| Younger brother | 弟 (おとうと, otouto) | 弟さん |
| Younger sister | 妹 (いもうと, imouto) | 妹さん |
| Husband | 夫 (おっと, otto) | ご主人 (ごしゅじん) / 旦那さん |
| Wife | 妻 (つま, tsuma) | 奥さん (おくさん) |
Social Connection Words
• 友達 (ともだち, tomodachi) — Friend (general) | 親友 (しんゆう, shinyuu) — Best friend, close friend | 知り合い (しりあい, shiriai) — Acquaintance | 仲間 (なかま, nakama) — Comrade, teammate | 先輩 (せんぱい, senpai) — Senior | 後輩 (こうはい, kouhai) — Junior
The Senpai-Kohai System
先輩 (senpai) and 後輩 (kouhai) are fundamental to Japanese social and work life. Senpai entered the language/joined the school/club/company first; kouhai came after. This hierarchy affects speech level, expectations, and mentorship dynamics throughout Japanese life.
YukaWhy do Japanese people use humble forms for their own family?
ReiIt’s the in-group (内) vs out-group (外) distinction. Japanese culture lowers itself (uses humble words) when talking about its OWN group to outsiders, and elevates others (uses honorific words) when talking about THEIR group. So when speaking to someone outside your family, refer to your mother as 母 (haha), not お母さん (okaasan) — that would be elevating your own group!
YukaIs 友達 always safe to use, or are there more formal words?
Rei友達 is the standard word for friend. In more formal contexts (like talking to someone’s parents), you might say お友達 (otomodachi) with the honorific お. For very close friends, 親友 (shinyuu) = best friend. 知人 (chijin) = acquaintance (more formal than 知り合い).
5 Practice Sentences
| # | Japanese | English |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | 私の父は医者です。(talking about own father) | My father is a doctor. |
| 2 | 田中さんのお母さんはお元気ですか？ | How is your mother doing, Ms. Tanaka? |
| 3 | 彼は学生時代の親友です。 | He’s a close friend from my student days. |
| 4 | 先輩にアドバイスをもらいました。 | I received advice from my senpai. |
| 5 | 妻の実家は大阪にあります。 | My wife’s family home is in Osaka. |
Quick Quiz
1. When talking about YOUR mother to others, which word do you use? → 母 (haha)
2. When referring to someone else’s mother, which word do you use? → お母さん (okaasan)
3. What is 親友 (shinyuu)? → Best friend / close friend
Practice in the Comments!
Try using one of today’s words in your own sentence and post it in the comments! Join the Top Commenters ranking!
Keep Learning: Vocabulary Hub | Emotion Words | Personality Adjectives
📖 Want to take your Japanese further? Practice speaking with a professional Japanese tutor on italki — affordable 1-on-1 online lessons at your own pace.
Comments